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User talk:GarouxBloodline
Saw your Community Central forum about backgrounds not working on SNM. So I took a look. I think I know what you're doing wrong. Want help with that? 05:13, April 2, 2012 (UTC) :So you don't want the white background to be visible? Just the comments? 05:18, April 2, 2012 (UTC) ::Huh. Then I'm afraid I can't complete your life :( ::I know how to make it so that the standard Nukapedia background changes for specific pages only. Otherwise, I'm stumped. Sorry 'bout that. 05:23, April 2, 2012 (UTC) Marcus So, I took a look at SNM. I noticed that KiwiBird is now taking care of my Ask marcus page. Removed a good lot of questions too. I know it's none of my business, it's just odd considering Marcus was an inside-joke between Scarface and I. Never intended it to get popular, nor did I expect it to. Just seems odd... Oh, and that Fallout 1 download from Good Old Games doesn't work on Mac :( 23:49, April 5, 2012 (UTC) : He's free to do with it what he wants. As silly as it sounds, I would have preferred Ryan to take over merely because I don't know Kiwi, so it is a tad odd that he'd want to take charge of the Marcus thing. But either way, it's fine. Although maybe it would make more sense for Kiwi to move the page to his own userspace instead of mine, considering it's his page now. 02:37, April 6, 2012 (UTC) Too late to apologise? This might sound stupid, but anyways... Do you think it's too late for me to make amends at Nukapedia? Not to everyone, just to the people that I feel bad for hurting. There are still some people (Scar, Cart, Limmie, DragonBorn, a few others...) who I'm upset with and probably will remain that way. But for all the rest, I just don't want them to remember me as a... well, whatever they called me. "Selfish child" or "butthurt drama-queen" or whatever it is. I'll give it to you straight; In reality, I'm a somewhat anti-social person. I don't get out often, I can count my real-life friends on my fingers, and although I don't physically know these people on the internet, I still care about them. It must seem pretty pathetic that this actually bothers me. I think it's pathetic that I care what they think. I didn't want to leave like that. I never did, but I felt that I had to. It just seemed like people didn't want me there, that they didn't actually care about me. I probably sound like a complete loser right now, but it's the truth. I suppose I was ashamed of showing up around there because there were so many people disappointed in me. You know, I don't want people to see me in the way I was painted by certain people (the ones listed above). I didn't want those people to make up the notion that I'm selfish, that I'm a troll, that I'm childish and stupid, or that I'm a bad person to have as part of the community. I didn't want my Nukapedia friends to think of me that way. I'm afraid that people still think of me as being someone I'm not. You'd think by now I'd have made my peace with it, but I haven't. I care about all of you people. I think the thing I fear the most is the notion that nobody really cared that much. Other than the people who said goodbye to me, or asked me to stay, who honestly cared that much? I saw one comment in the News Digest of someone who mentioned how it was a shame I left, then went on to talk about their excitement for a video game. You know, when you think you're appreciated and you realise that there are very few people who actually notice when you're gone, it does hurt. I'm a weak person, I'm a coward. I know that. God dammit, this sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? We're talking about a god damn video game website... yet I care this much. Pathetic, isn't it? But in a way, I just want to go back to how things were. Back to before I was a chat mod, when I was just an average user who didn't know how the site was run and didn't care. You think people are nice and genuine when you first meet them. But as you get to know them longer and the more you get involved with the politics, it comes apparent that the people you thought were kind and decent are actually just out to please themselves and will slit their best friend's throat to get that one step above the rest. No wonder why I snapped. I'm not normally like that; I'm a coward, I'm not one to tell people what I think of them. I just smile and nod, pretend that it doesn't bother me. Not just on the internet, in real life too. But then when I do speak out for once, I don't have anything to fall back on. I'm trampled on by my supposed friends so they can rush to the aid of someone who doesn't deserve it. Should it have surprised anyone that when I try to make a change and I'm treated like a fool for it, I muster up the courage to talk back? They say that it wasn't warranted, unprovoked. Yet I thought Cartman was my friend. And that hurts when you realise a friend isn't who they say they are. He tells me that because I found an example of him treating a user badly, when all I was doing was illustrating a point to Scarface and wasn't actually trying to persecute him, Cartman suddenly spits on me. Tells me that it shows who I really am that I "put aside that quote for future reference" and that I'm a troll and a fool for speaking up. All my ideas were shot down by him. Everything I said, he'd skew so that it turns back on me. I wasn't going to sit there and smile any longer. Not going to say that what I did was the right decision. I was upset, I wasn't thinking right, it was a stressful time for me in my real life. But it didn't mean I should have said anything. Then again, if I sat there quietly, I'd just be trampled on more and more, and let someone who isn't innocent make everyone think they are while doing the opposite for me. Was I innocent for saying that everyone needs a fair say? Honestly, I don't even know any more. Cartman later took a different stance when things weren't going his way. Regardless of my justifications and pathetic self-pity, I don't think I can waltz back in and accept things for how they are. Nor can I expect everyone to smile and forget what I did. Made a scene, burnt my bridges, called people out when I should have let it drop. I made a scene, people won't forget that. It's the second time I've left, do I even come back again? Is it worth it? Does anyone actually want me there? I've said it many a time, but I feel like I'm more trouble than I'm worth. Yet all I want to do is go to the Wiki, enjoy chat and blogs, make some nice edits and forget about all the internal issues. Ignorance is truly bliss. I don't think I can do that, sadly. If I go back, the whole drama crap from the last month is going to hang over my head. I should never have become admin. Becoming an admin just made me think I could make a change for the better, which made me think by becoming a bureaucrat I could make people happy. Which then lead to me speaking up, Cartman shooting me down, the whole reconfirmation issue, then me being fed up with my treatment there and giving up. Should I have given up? I wish I knew. If I could just go back and never put in that bureaucrat application with Ryan, I would be happier today. As sad as it sounds. Yet that's who I am, and that's how it is. I apologise for treating you like a diary; you shouldn't have to sit here and deal with my issues. If you do want to listen, though, could you do something for me? Do you think you could ask people at Nukapedia if they'd want to see me back? And I don't just mean asking people I care about. Even ask Scarface, Limmie, and people who were disappointed in me like Kastera1000 and BillyOcean. Ask everyone that was part of the whole drama. But please don't tell them I asked you to, I'm afraid it would change their opinion if they knew I was asking. Thanks, Leon. I appreciate you listening. 05:12, April 15, 2012 (UTC) Howdy, Cowboy! Yeah, I knew about that from a while ago. I was one of the people defending him, and actually voted to have him become a bureaucrat there when it was an issue buzzing around the Vault. I can't say I'm even angry at Cartman anymore. I sure as hell don't like him, but I'm angrier at myself than anything. Sorry about you losing your rights for a week... hey, I know how it feels XD -- GarouxBloodline 07:50, May 7, 2012 (UTC) Here's how it is I'm over it. I've been thinking about everything and I just can't deal with this anymore. I came to the Fallout Wiki to be part of the community. I enjoyed it, I was friendly to everyone, and I never caused one issue. But look where that has gotten me. One of the only places where I've ever felt I truly belonged and I'm hated there. I've been told I'm responsible for a Swedish teenager's clinical depression all because I chose to take a month off editing a Wiki. I've been treated like shit because of something that other people created; I tried to apologise for it and I'm subjected to even more hatred from people who I thought liked me. Nobody listens, though, so no matter how many times I scream it, it will never matter. In the words of Neil Young, "I don't feel like Satan but I am to them". All I ever wanted was to make a place where everyone could be happy, and what I ended with was a place where everyone was just full of spite and anger. They want me to take full responsibility for something they did and not question it one bit, and they want to move on at my expense. Why is it that I showed them nothing but compassion and they spit on me for it? I ask for a second chance to be told that I've already been given several... nobody explains for what or why. The way I saw it, I was the one who gave this community too many second chances, and they still keep treating me like Adolf Hitler himself, all because I got angry at one person one time. There are people making rumours about me, telling lies or false claims to slander me, and still I'm the insulting one. When I apologised, someone actually said "How dare you". Don't they realise that I'm just an eighteen year old Fallout fan who wants to find a place where I can have fun in my spare time? Do they think I want to log on every day to see that someone else has told me what a pathetic piece of crap I am? The amount of times I've refrained from telling them to pull their heads out of their own fucking asses, but I don't because I know it won't help. But they have no problem in doing it to me... why I ever signed up is far, far beyond me. Of course I'm upset with a site that let's a once well-known troll and vandal, MysteryStranger, become an administrator while telling an actual hardworking and kind user, Tocinoman, how rude and immature he is when he tries to run for the same position. So, frankly, I give up. This time it isn't me getting tired of the same old issues arising and deciding I need a break, nor is it me being led to believe that people actually care about me so I return for their sake. This time I leave because I'm tired of being a beacon for the hatred of strangers who can't possibly know how I feel when I'm insulted and made to think I'm some sort of Antichrist when all I ever wanted was to make people happy. You're the only person I'm going to tell, but don't expect to see me around Nukapedia any more. It's not worth the stress and grief that I feel day in and day out. Don't tell anyone I'm gone; it will just be another thing they can insult me for in chat. Thanks for listening to my self pity for so long. -- Yes-Man 02:48, May 8, 2012 (UTC) The Universe. She hates me. Assuming that the Universe would be a woman if it had a gender... I'd like to think so. Anyway, not why I came here. Of all the times to be handed the freakin' weekly polls on a god damn silver platter, good ol' MysteryStranger decides to ask me to take over permanently. Oi vey, since Kastera and Sam stopped making them I've wanted to take over, but only now that I leave am I given the go-ahead. Everyone loves the one I did last week so much as to ask me several times in the comments section to take over permanently. And I can see how popular it is - I've gotten almost four times as many commenters as Mystery's poll last week, and it's only Thursday. So, I ask you O Mystical Leon... do I just log in every Saturday and throw up a poll for them, nothing more and nothing less? Or do I not reply and let it slowly be forgotten about? I leave it up to you. 08:24, May 10, 2012 (UTC) Cabron I'm in chat, conchita. Wait, doesn't that mean woman...? 00:27, June 12, 2012 (UTC) :I tell you hwat, bobbeh. I'm gonna be back in chat later today. For now I need to go sell me some propane and propane accessories. Hank Hill 02:40, June 12, 2012 (UTC) Okely dokely... in chat now, if you still wanted to talk. 01:18, June 13, 2012 (UTC) Regret I'm gonna sound stupid, and I don't know why I'm telling you... But I miss Cart. I honestly do. Me and some of the pre-split users were joking around in chat today about the things we used to get up to before... well, before everyone started taking the Wiki and live chat so seriously. You know, the days when you could joke around and have fun without being reprimanded because one admin/mod didn't think you were funny. Anyway, I was thinking about Cartman, and how things turned so sour. And I'll be honest, up until that point I really liked him. There's a reason why I'd listed him as one of my closest friends at the Vault the first time I took an indefinite leave from the Wiki. But frankly when I pointed out one quote by him where he talked badly to a user on that "Mutual Understanding" forum, it really hurt how he turned on me. I didn't like the fact that he attacked every single suggestion I made, pointed out how administrators should be superior to everyone else on the Wiki, and even made comments about me being a "lark", a troll and saying I should be banned. I know I reacted badly (even though when I called him a dick I was referring to the guidelines) and I regret everything from that point on. Well, to be honest, I regret starting that Bureaucrat thing which people became way too serious about, but anyway... I don't know why, but I wish I could apologise to him. I wish even more that I'd never started that B-Crat business, because from that point on people started treating me differently. But that's not possible. Yet if I could just talk to Cart and, I dunno, reach a "Mutual Understanding" which was the point of the blog in the first place, I'd be happier. Part of me thinks that by doing so, somehow the Wiki will be fixed... because personally, I'm beginning to hate Nukapedia. If you'd been a regular there well before the split, you'd see how terrible the transition was from the Vault to Nukapedia. But I know that it's unlikely we'll be able to talk. And even if we did, he's a stubborn man and it's unlikely that it will go anywhere. I just wish he knew that I still like him... I was jut angry and hurt by what he did, even if his intentions weren't bad to begin with. Looking back on it now, nobody should have lost their rights. It was stupid and petty of me to think anyone did have to be punished... sigh. Even if I did say sorry, nothing would change, would it? Gah, I hate being emotional. Oh, and do you think anyone will notice if you deleted that stupid conclusion blog I made? Looking back on it, I don't think I fully agree with what I said. Nor is the matter concluded... 06:32, June 16, 2012 (UTC) Thought I'd share I admit disabling chat was a bit OTT of me, but I'd like to show you a log of the other admins insulting the VSTF user and making a scene out of the user's warning. http://pastebin.com/A0LEDvtg I will take the ban as I do believe I was overly rude, but I wanted you to have the full log, given I was not the only one to break policy, as is seen with users treatment of the VSTF member. I'm doing the message here as it is the only place that is a private place. - Crazy sam10 :I'm banned, I can't join chat. You have access to all available logs, and I am willing to take my full ban. I just wanted to let you know all the details, I admit I was overly rude, however I too was armed with some logs, such as http://pastebin.com/qYDxqA5q and this image although I raised these as issues that have come to my notice I was told to either give up my admin rights, or do a better job. While I admit I was rude, I don't feel I was being giving an attitude in response that was putting me off said behaviour. - Crazy sam10 ::I feel it would be easier to simply use the talk pages, also as I've stated, I'm happy to take the time you deem necessary, I just wanted to raise all the logs to your attention, while my behaviour has been brought to your attention, I wanted to present you with the information I have of others behaviour, especially to a VSTF member. - Crazy sam10